A Godling’s Guide to Leading a Rebellion


porpoise-with-a-purpose said:

lola, my family went to seaworld recently, and i got really sad seeing all the trapped animals. i wish there was a way i could help them. what would you do if you were me?? (btw, i’m also a sea godling, but my family doesn’t know. the genes skipped a generation)

lolarola answered: 

well, porpoise-with-a-purpose (great username, by the way), i’m glad you asked. to answer your question, i have provided below my godling’s guide to leading a rebellion, slightly edited to fit your specific situation. this is for you and any other godling who follows my blog and is reading this post.

if you’re the child of a sea god, leading a rebellion at seaworld should be easy. as you probably know, children of ocean deities are often born with the ability to control water and communicate with sea creatures. if you have these powers, good for you. it means this guide should be easy to follow.

first step: make a name for yourself, like i did. get some street cred. credibility is needed if you expect anyone to follow you in a rebellion. if you’re someone like me, this step can be skipped. it’s assumed that if you’re like me, you were born with awesome power at your hands and you’ve already used that power to win impossible battles and fight monsters and look fabulous doing it. (if you’re not me or someone like me, and i assume you’re not because your family doesn’t know you’re a godling, then you must go out and fight monsters and win impossible battles, preferably with a cool weapon [see step two]. once you’ve done this enough times, you will have completed step one. you’ll know you completed step one when people start calling you for help battling monsters.)

second: get a cool (preferably magical) weapon. a sword is pretty common, but if you want to go the extra mile, i recommend nunchucks, clubs, knives or daggers, throwing stars, and whips and chains (like mine!) as options. whatever weapon you choose has to be infused with magic from the sea, because as a child of a sea god and/or goddess, water will always be your strongest weapon. (to infuse your weapon with magic from the sea, go to the nearest ocean, submerge your weapon in the point where the water meets the sand, and recite the spell listed at the end of this guide.)

third: you’re ready for your journey to seaworld. start at whatever location you’re closest to (there are three in america, in florida, texas, and california) and work your way on from there. once you get there, i highly recommend that you disguise yourself as a park worker so you can blend in. if you’re someone like me, people will recognize you pretty easily. (if you correctly followed step one, then you have gained street cred, which means you’re fairly recognizable. so a disguise is necessary in order for a rebellion to succeed. if you’re someone as famous as i am, the good patrons and employees of seaworld will recognize you the minute you arrive, and they’ll know what you’re there for. it’s why most children of sea gods avoid aquariums and other aquatic amusement parks. but since your family doesn’t know you’re a godling, i assume they don’t know that)

fourth: once you have successfully infiltrated the park, it’s time to carry out the most important steps. disguised as a park worker, gain access to the orca whale habitats. the orca whales are your greatest allies in any rebellion. once you’ve gained their trust (which should be pretty easy, since you’re a sea godling and you can communicate with them), the rebellion is underway. (if you’re someone like me, the sea creatures know who you are, and their trust will come easily to you. if you’re not someone like me, it might be difficult. but the orcas can be bribed with promises of freedom and tasty morsels. and they’ll convince the other sea creatures to join you.)

fifth: the killer whale performances are your best opportunity for rebellion. make sure that you are one of the park workers in charge of the show. to do this, find one of the workers in charge and incapacitate them with your magical weapon so that you can take their place. (or, if you prefer to use your hands, knock them out and hide the unconscious body in the control room.)

sixth: finally, it’s time. in the middle of the killer whale performance, turn to the crowd, raise your magical weapon in the air, and yell, “FREE THEM ALL!” (with feeling!! put some passion into it!), use your powers to raise the water and the whales into the air, so that they can swim out over the heads of the crowd and towards glorious freedom. (by this time, the whales will have communicated with all the other sea creatures in the park, and they will have received the message. your voice when you yell should carry, so every creature hears. and since you’re a godling, your voice comes with a certain amount of magic influence, so not only the sea creatures, but the children and young adults in the park will be affected by your message [if you’re a godling, you know all humans under a certain age are affected by magic] and they will be inspired to run and help set the rest of the creatures free.)

seventh: the final step. run through the park, sea creatures flying overhead, while yelling and fighting off anyone who tries to stop you. do not rest until all the creatures are freed and swimming on the air towards the ocean. the children will help you, and in no time, the park will be empty, and you will be onto the next seaworld location to finish the job.

i hope this helps, porpoise-with-a-purpose. next time your family takes you to seaworld, you know what to do. (this might also be a good way to tell them you’re a godling, but that’s just me. y’all know i like my dramatic flair.) the gods, the oceans, and all the sea creatures thank you.

and here’s the spell to infuse your weapon with sea magic:

Great gods and goddesses,

Great oceans and seas,

Great powers that be,

I give you my weapon,

I give you my heart,

I ask the waves to part.

Imbue this [insert name of weapon here; sword, dagger, baseball bat, etc.] with magical strength,

And I will devote my service to you at any length.


lolarola, aka lola rhodes, godling, daughter of pontus, primordial god of the seas



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